Tuesday, July 31, 2007

A Different Caption Contest

But a familiar result.

I really need to find better things to do with my time.

Maybe some other time.


Thursday, July 26, 2007

Thank You Big Brother For Protecting Me From Crack

Watching CBS's Big Brother Tuesday night there was a segment where houseguest Jen bends over to pick up something and her low-rise jeans slip down to reveal the top part of her butt. At least I suppose that's what happened because a giant blur appeared on the screen just then.

Which leads me to wonder, just what was it there that CBS found offensive? Was it the NBC logo? The word "Fuck" (in the instructive sense)? Or maybe, "Michael Powell is a self-righteous ass?"

No, I don't think it was any of these things. I think it was just Jen's butt. But one can just imagine the flood of angry form letters that all of those housewives would have sent to the FCC after hearing about Jen's butt next day on Oprah. And yes, by the way, I know Michael Powell is no longer the chair of the FCC. His presence endures.

But it occurs to me that there's a double-standard in play here. After all, if showing an ass on TV is obscene, we'd have to blur out half the current administration and nearly all of Congress any time they got on screen. What a bummer for C-SPAN. And let's not even get started on "weather personalities" and their distant cousins, reality-show hosts.

This might give Congress an out, however. They could vote to "censor" Bush instead of censuring him, and I think that would be a much easier vote. The Democratic majority would likely still claim victory. But I digress.

So in any event I thought it fitting to give thanks here to CBS, Big Brother and the FCC for protecting me from Jen's butt. Even a little crack can be wickedly addictive. Or so I've heard.

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Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Caption Contest Victory

Gollum tore it up again with a first at the "I coulda been a contendah" Edition OTB Caption Contest(TM).


Thursday, July 19, 2007

Random Thought

Pubic hair is God's way of writing "Tab A" and "Slot A."


Wednesday, July 18, 2007

. . . And Beer

(Reposted from a previous blogging effort)

It occurred to me some time ago that pretty much anything you can think of can be greatly improved by addition of the words "and beer." Compare, for example, "football" on its own to the superior situation of "football and beer." Other examples come readily to mind. Barbecuing is fun, but barbecuing and beer is better. Hot tub . . . hot tub and beer. Sex . . . sex and beer. Hiking . . . hiking and beer. See how it works?

It is true that some things are only marginally improved by the addition of beer. Curiously, all of these things (at least the ones I can think of) seem to begin with "ch." Cheerios, naturally, are only a little better with beer. Similarly, "church and beer" isn't quite the hoot you might hope for it to be. Chlamydia, with or without beer, pretty much sucks. But, truth be told, only doxycycline could improve chlamydia more than beer, and that speaks well for beer all the way around.

In my world, that makes "and beer" a phrase of considerably powerful magic. What else could transform something so dismal, such as a subway ride, into something so sublime, such as a subway ride and beer? And its amplifying effect on the good things - - like hockey, hockey and beer - - are just amazing.

Try it. You'll see.

Exhibit A: Baby and Beer


Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Back to Back Golds

Posting as Gollum, I nabbed a second consecutive first place in the "Matzoh Man" Edition OTB Caption Contest (TM).